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A Game of Chance and Fire

Makoto {voiceover}: Hello my name is Makoto Mizuhara. A normal high school student from Shiniobi High.

Tom: Who just struck a deal with some writers to be a main character in an anime series.

Makoto: I was working on a special science project when something something went horribly wrong. I've suddenly been transported to a mysterious world called El Hazard. What is going to happen to me in such an unpredictable place?

Alliele: Makoto...I gotta have water...!
Makoto: Sorry but you already drank the last of mine.
Fuji: Arugh! Just one cold beer! I'm dying here! {throws stick}

Crow {as man in distance}: Ow!

Alliele: Look there up ahead! It's Volcano Lisabi. There's a town there. Water! {cartoon music} Yahoo! Water water water water!!

Joel: Probably just a mirage.

Fuji: Even if it's a mirage, I hope their serving good mirage beer.

Crow: Regular, Ice or Lite


Crow: Finally, a decent title!

Fuji: Ahh that hit the spot. When I get back I'm going to make a commercial about how good beer tastes after crossing the desert. Hey one more over here please. You know that Priestess Afura was kinda tough but I thought she was basically OK didn't you?

Crow: You were asleep the whole time!

Makoto: I thought we were going to hit one over the wall with her but we missed the foul pole.
Fuji: Now that you mention it, she wasn't playing fair at all. She was just out in left field.

Crow: Just watching the dandelions grow.

Makoto: Worse than that we're down to our last strike.
Alliele: Makoto, I found out where it is. The best news is that we can get there soon by walking and it's a really easy trip.
Makoto: Good job. Drink up.

Joel: The locals call it 'Brain Seizure' wonder what's in it.

Alliele: Thanks alot, Master. Hmmm.
Makoto: Mr.Fujisawa, it's time to get going.
Fuji: Yeah I guess we should.

Tom: Before they give us the bill.

Fuji {singing}: The mountain is singing hear the summits call.

Crow howls.

Alliele: I hope this priestess doesn't fall in love with him like the way Miz Mizstal did.
{Fuji looks sad.}
Makoto and Fuji: Eww rotten eggs.
Fuji: I hate sulpher. Please tell me this isn't the Shrine of Fire.
Makoto: I guess it is but who can live in such a place?
Fuji: Maybe someone who doesn't breathe?

Crow: Hey Tom, would you like to live there?
Tom: Heck no! Do you?
Crow: Yeah right.

Makoto: Look that thing moving down there what is it?
Fuji: A tied-up walking carpet that aaaaa falls over.

Tom: Oooooooooo, what a grasp for the obvious.

Makoto: Someone's inside it! {runs over} Hey, are you OK? Huh, it's a woman.
Fuji: Is it still alive?
Makoto: There's a woman inside. I think she fainted.
Fuji: Hmmm. Ridiculous, it's just a walking carpet.

Joel: Someone's been in El Hazard a bit too long.

Fuji: See. {removes carpet, Shayla Shalya is naked inside it.}

Bots yell for Fuji to duck.

Fuji: Alliele! Get over here! You're female. Please try to save the victum. {Alliele hurries over.} Let's get her to the shrine maybe they can help us there.

Makoto: She's Shayla Shayla? The fire priestess you shall see after crossing 5 burning deserts?
Attendant: She sure is, but she usually dresses better.

Tom (F): Normally she wears a persian rug.
Crow: But we only crossed 2 burning deserts.

Fuji: You know what, I think she's another foul ball.
Makoto: She's more like a swing and a miss.

Joel: But you still have two more outs right?

Shayla: ohhhh
Makoto: Excuse us Ms.Shayla Shayla, but we have a question to ask.
Fuji: You see we were just wondering if you happen to know how to get us back to Shininobi in our dimension.
Shayla: Shut up. {Fuji: Huh?} I said SHUT UP!

Joel: Pillow fight!!
Crow makes snoring noises

Fuji: I don't think she wants to talk to us. {Pause} Well if you don't mind maybe we can have a little look around the shirne while you take your nap.

Tom (sternly): You can come out when you're ready to be polite young lady.

Shayla: Go look around it you want, like I really can allow it.
{woman screams}
Makoto: What's going on?
{stickers get slapped around by lurking figures}

Crow: Bugrom...{all agree}
Joel: Must be warding off demons.

Fuji: I can't breathe!

Joel: You know, if he were clean-shaven, he wouldn't have this problem.

Alliele (reads): This shrine is attached.
Makoto: Attached? What's that mean?
Alliele (reads): It belongs to me now keep your hands off.

Joel: Maybe they're just big Ferengi.

Makoto: This is awful! it means we can't look around!

Crow: Who'd want to?

Fuji: This is terrible, what if the answer we need is inside that shine?
Makoto: Ms.Shayla Shayla what's going on? How'd you loose your shine?
Shayla: I lost it through this--{shows card}

Joel: Magic, the Gathering
Crow {meows}

Fuji: I don't get it.

Tom: Me neither, too cliche.

Alliele: She's been playing patan.
Makoto: What's that?
Alliele: It's a game. {Tom: Duh!} You can win it by overthrowing your opponent's card by turning it over or by slapping it down hard enough so you can blow the other guy's card away.
Fuji: Similiar in history to pogs or sumo wrestling.

Joel: Or poker.
Tom: So patan is when half-naked fat guys throw cardboard at each other?

Makoto: Ms.Shayla, what's patan have to do with you loosing your shrine?
Shayla: I was gambling. Suddenly I was facing an evil, terrible man {Flashback}
Jinnai: 1-2-and 3. You loose! {Shayla gets stripped then thrown out.}

Tom: Let's hope Jinnai doesn't try on her clothes.

Shayla: {laugh} He won everything I ever owned, the shrine, whole volcano, even all the clothes I was wearing. That scrawny creap even won away from me the Lamp of Fire.
Makoto {whispering}: Translate please, what's the Lamp of Fire?
Alliele: Each priestess has a holy object that helps her to control here element.
Makoto: I get it, she controls fire.

Joel: What was your first clue?
Tom: Weren't you paying attention to the last two episodes?
Crow: So why did Miz's lamp a ring?

Fuji: You bet your shrine and lost everything you own on twiddlewinks?
Shayla: Patan is really fun. {Laughs}
Makoto: Ms.Shayla what are you laughing at? You lost the Holy Shrine of Fire.
{Shayla laughs harder}

Tom: Call 1-800-BETS-OFF
Crow: How about Gamblers Anonymous?

Makoto: It's just like what we have. It's an amusement center.

Joel: Well I'm not amused.
Crow and Tom improv video game noises.

Jinnai: Ahhh looser! You dare think you can beat me?
Shayla: Move it.
Makoto: Excuse me please. Wahhh! it's Jinnai, I don't believe it!
Jinnai: I've been waiting for you, Makoto.

Tom (in deep voice): When I left you I was but a learner now I am a complete jerk.

Makoto: I guess it figures only a snake like you would take away Ms.Shayla's shrine!
Shayla: A snake who had better give it back!
Jinnai: Oh you must be joking! I won that shrine fairly in a game of chance. Is it my fault that you're such a lousy player. {Shayla gets mad.}

Joel: If it was really a game of chance, wouldn't everyone be equally lousy?
Tom: Joel, don't think so much.

Makoto: All right Jinnai, stop playing around. What is it you want us to do so you'll give shrine back to her?
Jinnai: You could kneel down. I just might give the shrine back to her if you beg me hard enough.
Makoto: Beg you to?
Jinnai: You don't have to enjoy it.

Crow: Oh but I do.

Alliele: Don't do it Master!
Shayla: You can't!
Makoto: Don't worry. {to Jinnai} Please give the shrine back.

Crow {wimpers like a dog}

Jinnai: Hold on, I'm thinking. Makoto's begging me to give the shrine back. Well after lengthy consideration, the answer would be no.
Shayla: You dirty cheat! {Alliele and Fuji join in.}

Joel: All those suprised, raise your hand.

Makoto: Give it BACK!

Crow: Or I'll bite you!
Joel: I thought I told you to quit that.
Crow: Sorry.

Jinnai: I was just kidding around. What's the matter, can't you take a joke?

Tom: Sure, look at our guide.

Shayla: So are you givin' back the shrine or aren't ya?
Jinnai: Yes I can arrange to give it back...on condition.
Fuji: What condition?

Joel {sings}: What condition her condition is in...

Jinnai: On the sole condition that you win it back. Mizuhara I challenge you to beat me in a fair game of patan to win the shrine back.
Makoto: When have you ever fought fairly?

Crow: What about that brawl on Saturday Night Live?
Joel: No, that was Farley.

Jinnai: It will be a fair game. And if you just happen to win I shall give to you my Shrine of Fire.
Makoto: OK you got it it's a bet.
Jinnai: You idiot, what kind of bet is it if you aren't betting anything? If I win I have to get something from you, you dummy.

Crow: Oh, I was hoping you'd forget about that part.

Makoto: Like what? I don't have a shrine.
Jinnai: I know what you can bet on. You can simply bet on your own self.
Makoto: I don't get it, bet myself?
Jinnai: Makoto will bet himself. {points} {Joel: Pull my finger!} If I win you shall become my total slave for the rest of your life! {Laughs}

Crow: Sorry, I already sold my body to science. You'll have to fight them for me.

{commercial sign}

Shayla: Become his slave?
Makoto: I don't get it what do you need a slave for?

Crow: Would I get my own house?

Jinnai: On you know. To polish my shoes and grovel, clean the bathroom and grovel, polish my shoes again for the rest of your life.

Tom: Bugrom just can't shine shoes right.

Shayla: That's insane, only a fool will be on something like that!
Jinnai: And who's foolish enough to bet on the Shrine of Fire?

Tom: Well you just did too.

Makoto: OK it's a bet Jinnai. {Shayla gasps}
Jinnai: And your bet is accepted. {Joel: Pet is accepted?} It's a pity, this audience is too small to witness my glory of the moment in which I win the game and Makoto, humiliated, becomes my life-long slave. That's great, I got it! We shall play the game in the city's colosium. That way everyone from miles around can come witness your ultimate defeat.
Makoto: When is it?
Jinnai: I'm afraid you'll have to have some patience. But don't worry it will be ready soon enough. {laughs}

Tom: Rome has to finish building it.

Shayla: You idiot, do you have any idea what you're doing? If he wins you'll be his slave for life.
Makoto: Yeah but if I win you'll get the shrine back. I can't think of anything more important than that, can you?

All (at once): Yes.

Shayla {thinking}: He's scarificing the rest of his life for me.

Crow: I thought that only happens when you get married.

Makoto: What's wrong? Don't you want the shrine back?
Shayla: Of course I do that's beside the point stupid.

{pan over colisium}

Tom: I didn't think there was this many people in a desert town.

Drunk fan: Hey girl {unintelligble} we need another beer over here.

Joel: I think you had enough.
Crow: Ah, Packer fans.

Nanami: Yes sir I'll be there right away. I sure don't know what kind of festival these people are having today but it sure is bringing in the business.
Spectator: Hey waitress, another round here!
Nanami: Okayyyyyy!

{Makoto stretching}

Joel: Ummm I don't think that will do you much good in a card game.

Alliele: Hmmmm I just know you're going to beat him aren't you Makoto.
Shayla: You just gotta annihilate him. You know the consequences don't ya?
Makoto: Yeah I know. I'm just going to try my best.

Joel {as Yoda}: Do or do not, there is no try.
Tom: He needs a more optomistic attitude.

Jinnai: Soon I'll be the winner of the game and Makoto will be my slave for life {laughs}
{crowd cheers}

Joel: Let's do the wave!

{Makoto et al walk in}

Joel: Send in the lions!

Makoto: Wow, I didn't realize this many people will be here.
Alliele: Having a patan game to decide the fate of the Shrine of Fire is a really big deal.
Shayla: Morbid gore-hounds feeding off my misfortune!

Crow: These people need better uses for their free time.

Jinnai: {chuckles} Today is the day that everyone will see Makoto Mizuhara as the worthless looser that only I have always known he was.

Joel: I know someone who needs to take a good hard look at the facts.

MC: In the red corner Student Council President owner of the Shrine of Fire and soon to be ruler of this world, Kazuhiko Jinnai!
{crowd cheers}
Makoto: It's pretty obvious who wrote that introduction.
MC: And the other guy in the blue corner is Makoto Mizuhara!

Crow: He should have slipped the MC 5 roshtals for a better intro.
Tom: Let's get ready to RUMMMMBLEEEEE!

{crowd cheers}
Alliele: I'm just sure you can win Makoto.
Shayla: Mop the floor with him!
Fuji: Don't forget it kid we're all right behind you.

Tom: Just until you become a slave, of course.

Makoto: You got it. I'm going to give it my all.

Joel: Give all 110%.
Jinnai: I'm surprised you didn't turn chicken and run like I thought you would.
Makoto: Shut up and lets just get this over with.
Jinnai: Huh, pretty eager to become my slave aren't you. {pulls out big card}

Joel: Looks like he also designed his card too.

Jinnai: The rules are very simple. You win by turning the oppoents car over, or by knocking it out of the ring. There are three matches in the game. {Makoto pulls out card} {Crow meows} A coin toss tells who goes first. {Flips coin}
Makoto: Heads!
Jinnai: Sorry tails. I get to go first. {shows coin is a trick coin} {Tom: Big surprise there.} Makoto prepare youself for defeat! {slams down card, Makoto's is blown away}
Makoto: Hey what's going on? {Makoto looses first round} {Crow meows} How the heck did he do that?
Alliele cries.
Shayla: We're ruined.

Joel: Oh you're just little Miss.Sunshine.

Fuji: Maybe he's got superhuman powers too.
Jinnai: {laughs} {thinks} Fools that's way too much.
{Bugrom turning generator}

Joel {Conan}: One day I will have my revenge.
Crow: Look everyone, butterfly butterfly!

Jinnai {thinks}: All I have to do is push this switch and my card will stick to the floor by the power of the giant magnet I built underground. {Tom: So the cards are made of metal?} But if they have that much energy built up the switch won't work. Makoto will win! Those idiots!
Jinnai {gestures}: You nitwits the output level is too high turn it down.

Tom: I wonder how you can gesture 'nitwits' without flipping them off.

{Bugrom look out conveys message.}
Shayla: Go on do it! Make him wish he's never been born!
Fuji: We're rooting for ya!
Makoto: All right. Ohwaaaa! {throws down card}

Crow: Lousy battle cry.

Jinnai: You loose. By the simple press of this little switch. {pushes switch} Wah! You aren't suppose to do that!
{Shayla, Alliele, Fuji encourage card to turn over}

Tom: Think his breath is strong too?

Jinnai {thinks}: I pushed the switch, get back.
{Makoto wins}
Makoto: I won!

Joel: And there was much rejoicing.
Tom and Crow: (unenthuaistic) yeah.

Jinnai {gestures}: Boneheads, start it up again. I said turn it down not shut it off.
{Look out conveys message. Bugrom slowly get back to work}
Jinnai: Listen, I know you're trying to cheat. But you're not going to win this next one. {Throws card, Makoto's card goes flying} Gotcha!
Jinnai: Come on, face up you idiot card!
Shayla and Alliele: Face down! Face down!

Joel: Ohh I don't know, up or down. Well I feel like being on my front!

{lands face down}

Joel: Wait, I changed my mind. Oh nevermind.

Jinnai: But that's just not suppose to happen {Gestures} You're killing me out here. You've got to get the output up. I have to win on the next throw understand?

Crow: Why is he doing a victory dance when he lost that round?

Alliele: Mr.Fujisawa, what is he doing? Why is he moving around like that?
Fuji: Huh? {watches Jinnai signal} I'd say it was pretty obvious, he's sending out signals to someone.
Shayla: That little cheat!
Jinnai {gestures}: Can't you see me, turn it up!

Tom {sings}: Pump up the volume. Pump up the volume.

Alliele: See that big guy?
Fuji: Yeah, something fishy's going on.
Shayla: That's right let's follow him.

Crow: Better than hanging around here.

Makoto: Ohwaaaa! {throws down card, Jinnai's stays put}

Joel: Maybe you should yell louder.

Fuji: He's rigging the game someway with that big machine.

Tom: Someway is right. Not even Star Trek can explain this.

Shayla: So that's how he won. I thought something was strange when we played. {attacks Bugrom}

Crow: Hey, forget the card game, the real entertainment is down here.
Tom {as MC from Mortal Kombat}: Fight! {proceeds to hum MK theme}

Shayla: You dare cheat the fire priestess?!
Jinnai: Makoto Mizuhara, you loose and I have won. You are now my slave.

Joel: When did that happen? I thought it was a tie.

Shayla: This would be alot easier if I had the lamp of fire.
Fuji: Look over there. Sure looks like something Shayla would wear. {lamp drops out}

Tom: Oh how nice of them to fold her clothes for her.

Alliele: That must be it. I think this is her lamp of fire.

Crow: Sure it's not Afura's?

Shayla: That's it toss it quick. {Fuji throw it}

Tom: No not the shirt, the lamp!

Shayla: Anyone for roasted bug?

Joel: Me! {smacks his lips}

{game floor is destryoned in fire blast}
Shayla: You darn little cheat. He had the whole game rigged underground!
Makoto: Uh he did?
{crowd turns ugly}

Tom {man in crowd}: Who cares! You ruined the game!

Jinnai: Retreat you idiot. They're going to kill us! Retreat! Retreat!
Shayla: You're not getting away that easy. Take that {Tom: F-F-LP1} and that {Tom: F-F-LP} and that {Tom: F-F-HP}!

Joel and Crow gasp
Joel: Oh my God, they killed Jinnai!
Crow: You bast-
Tom: Lawsuit!

Alliele: Wow Shayla that was neat. You fried him.
Makoto: At least the new ruler of the world got a good suntan.

Tom: And that bug now has a nice scorch outline of his ruler.

{happy music}
Makoto: Looks like we struck out again. There's nothing here that can help us.

Tom: Just copies of Better Shrinekeeping.

Fuji: Well I guess we'll just have to start all over again.

Joe {Reagan}: Now let's sell guns to Iraq.

Shayla: Hey, Makoto. Are you going to play patan or what?
Alliele: Come on it's really alot of fun.
Makoto: Shayla haven't you learned a lesson?

Crow {F}: Yeah, someone will always bail me out of trouble.

Shayla: Oh don't be like that. the only reason why I lost was becasue it was a rigged game. Haha let's play.
Makoto: What?
Shayla: Ya see, I can win ya every time.

Tom: So Makoto is HER slave now.
Joel: Possibly, she did say 'win ya' right.

1 Mortal Kombat's Lu Kang's low and high fireball
Episode 7: A Golden Oppertunity
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