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MST3K does El Hazard: the Wanderers

It is a show which dwells in the hearts of those who still laugh at bad movies.
A series well-loved for its remarks, and one-liners, and comebacks
In a theater of endless amusement
Such a thing is know as: MST

If your funny bone has strength to suffer,
Even through such turkeys as Manos or Pod People,
Comedy will guide the way
And the Satelite of Love will always be open to you.

Drawn into the Land of Adventure

In the not too distant future,
High above this crummy rock,
The janitor, Joel Robinson
Was in for quite a shock.
He was sent into space by Deep 13.
Forced to watch the baddest movies he's ever seen.
The years of pain were taxing the crew,
But an accident by TV's Frank had sent him something ne-ew.
{Frank no baka!}

We sent him an anime series.
Wanderers, El Hazard. la la la
26 shows he'll get to mock.
Because it's not that hard. la la la

Now keep in mind this can't be done by a solitary man. la la la
Good thing for us he's got some help,
From our favorite robot friends.
Robot Rollcall
Gyspy {oh my stars}
Tom Servo {otaku rule!}
Crow {got it right this time}

If you're wondering about copyright and other legal facts. la la la
Then repeat to yourself, "It's all in fun!" and just sit back and relax.
For Mystery Science theater: the Wanderers!

El Hazard Links

I already read this, take me to the listings.

All right, all right now I know Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) mocks bad movies. I also know Wanderers is far from being bad. Actually I love it. But when I saw it at the SWAMP anime show, the jokes just became so obvious, comments begging to be spoken. Maybe I watched too many MST3K episodes. Maybe I was in too good a mood and was too eager to share it. But I realized this page was possible. So apart from giving the due credit, on with the show! Oh, one last thing. Please don't point out Wanderers was released years after Joel left the show. For that matter just ignore any chronological inconsistancies and enjoy.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the property of Best Brains Inc.
Wanderers is owned by Pioneer Entertainment and AIC

This takes place before MST3K movie Mitchel no only because I prefer Joel, but because it leads into the Deep 13 need for a temp worker.

{TV's Frank slowly walks in. He is carrying several large, heavy boxes. Dr.F, holding a clip board, figdets with a pencil.}
Dr.F: All right now...the boxes go over...hmmm now where do they go?{leaves through clipboard pages}
Frank: Please hurry. I can't feel my fingers.
Dr.F: Ah yes, here we go. Hmmmm, put them in way in the back of that room Frank. {points pencil in the direction which Frank just came from}
Frank: But that's where I got them?!
Dr.F: Just do it. {Turns towards camera} Ah Joel, time for the usual invention exchange. Forgive the's time for the usual pre-inventory clean-up. Hiding toxic waste, bringing home gold extracted from sea water, that sort of thing. Now where did I put that... You go first Boneheads.

Joel: Well sirs everyone knows how mud baths are good for the skin. But what if you live in a cheap apartment and only have a shower stall? How will you enjoy the benifits of a mud bath? Well our invention this week solves this problem. {Gypsy pushes out a modified shower stall. Joel opens the curtian.}
Crow: A mud shower! Guarenteed to give you twice the benifits of a standard bath in half the time. {Crow steps into the shower.} Joel, if you will?{Joel turns on the mud. Unfotunately it is the real thick, chunky kind which slowly oozes out of the nozzle.}
Joel: We're still working the kinks out.
Tom: When perfected it will offer hot and cold mud and this handy shower massager. {Joel detaches massager, dripping mud on the table.}
Joel: What do you think sirs?

Dr.F {unimpressed}: Hardly original. I made one of those in college. They said it wouldn't work. {Smiles evilly and rubs hands together.} Well I showed them. They weren't laughing when I turned the women's show area into a mud wrestling free for all. {Frank, carrying more heavy boxes than before, bumps into Dr.F.} Frank will you put those away?!
Frank:{Moans pityfully and stumbles to the back door.}
Dr.F: NOT THERE FRANK! My invention this week is more diabolical than average. Remember those comics when you were young? How you'd read them under the bed, scatter them in your tree house then find out years later how much they'd be worth if you took better care of them. Todays children will never know the heart-crushing regret they'll get as adults because they can find out the value of their comics within days. That's why I invented this. {Proudly displays something that looks like a cross between a printer and paper shreader.} The Comic Antiquer, yes with this the newest issue of Superman can look like you got it in the ten cent bin of a dirty, down-town comic shop. Allow me to demostrate. {Holds up a hologram, limited edition comic with a cut away metal foil cover.} This beauty is easily worth several weeks allowance to a small child. Now watch...{slides comic into machine. Lots of bells, whistles, with a few disguisting noises preceed the comic being ejected straight up. Dr.F tries, and fails to catch it as it flutters down. He picks it up smiling an holds it to the camera.} What was once worth bagging with expensive acid-free cardboard is now folded, scratched, dog eared and looks like it was read hundreds of times. There's even a setting for 'spagetti sauce stains', 'dropped in mud puddle', and 'chewed on by neighbor's dog'. {Begins giggling.}

Tom {whipering}: No, no tell me he didn't just ruin my copy of Superteam annual 3 1/2! I paid ten bucks for that! You evil monster! {Tom breaks down as Joel offers comfort.} How could you?!
Dr.F: Thank you! Your movie this week is a 50s McCarthy-approved special called 'Dogmen from the Horseshoe Galaxy' with a short of a navy hygeine film.

{Frank's stack of boxes how extends above camera shot. He collaspes from exaustion. Boxes start falling everywhere. Once hits Dr.F and he crashes into a panel full of buttons. Lights and sirens turn on. Dr.F and TV's Frank pick themselves up.}
DR.F: Why I otta...{Gets ready to slap Frank with the back of his hand.}
Frank: Dr.Forester look!! {Points to panel.}
Dr.F: My God! You switched the Bad Movie command to Anime! They're being sent something called El Hazard, the Wanderers!

Tom: {Stops crying} El Hazard? Did he say El Hazard? Aww man this is going to be GREAT I got the OVAs last month.
Joel: Where did you find anime in outer space?
Tom: Well Joel, those stores are just popping up all over the place. It's Movie Side!

Journey into Mystery
Exploring the Kingdom of Mystery
  Crow's Idea
The Enchanting Princess
The Lonely Priestess
  Mihoshi screws things up...again!
The Shrine of Wind
A Game of Chance and Fire
  The preisthood gets some new members
A Golden Oppertunity
  Other Wanderers
House of Thieves
Jungle Beast
A Child's Heart
Tomb of the Demon God
Pure Evil Genius
The Legendary Snow Fields!
Tale of the Priestesses!
The Eye of God
Operation: Abduction
Hive of Darkness
Jinnai: Sister vs. Brother
A Love in Peril
A Death Defying-Rescue
The End of the World
The Eternal dream
Send me e-mail: Jason Youngberg
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