Joel: It worked.
Makoto: I've suddenly been transported to a mysterious world called El Hazard. What is going to happen to me in such an unpredictable place?
Tom {as boat makes a leap and moves across the floor}: Wait, how can it do that?
Crow: Look, waterslides!
Mail carrier: Head's up! Mail's in!
Joel: I'm feeling disgruntled.
Newelywed: Hey Ms.Lonely Heart! Guess who got married? Of course I thought I should wait until I was ALOT older, you know what I mean, but he said he'd just die if it wasn't right now.
Tom: Yeah, he looks like he really wanted to get married.
Newelywed: He's so passionate and romantic. So how's your love life. I suppose it just the same, too busy tending the shrine. Nothing to speak of. No men here. Well old gal got to get back to my honeymoon. Write soon. I'm sure you'll have the time.
Miz: I hate you!
Crow: If they overlooked your drinking, they'll overlook this.
{earlier}
Rune: I summoned you in private so I may say these words to you.
Joel: Oh yeah two servants, real private
Rune: There are three, three great priestesses outside this kingdom. Each one of them controls a specific aspect of elemental magic as practiced in the anceint arts of El Hazard. Perhaps the forgotten past of this world might reveal a pathway back to yours.
Makoto: I'm sure you knew. I mean before. When you gave us that money and wouldn't say anything.
Rune: I appologize. {flashback of Makoto fainting}
Tom: Glad to see you forgot about that bath thing.
Rune: Be blessed with good health to you who wander afar.
Makoto: Uh yeah, I will.
Tom: Again with the title!
Joel: Oh, she's an author too?
Jinnai: Nothing is forbidden to me and I curse everyone! {laughs} {all join in, unsure as to what he's laughing about. Crow makes scratching noises}
Deva: This horrorific Jinnai of Shininobi, he does not understand the dangers at stake here.
Crow: Wait, they're riding llamas! Look out, they/re going to spit!
Dr.Schtal: I fear you will have difficulty traveling by our maps alone. Therefore I have chosen for you an able guide to assist you. She has great knowledge of our lands. Her name is Alielle.
Fuji: Is this a joke? Do you really expect a little girl to be our guide out there?
Alielle: That's right. And my talent has nothing to do with what age I am. That is unless you want to get lost, Old Grandpa.
Fuji: Old Grampa?!
Crow: Well alchol DOES age people prematurly...
Alielle: We head for the Shrine of Water first. It's a long journey so you'd better get moving.
Fuji: You get back here and appologize you inperdent little--woah
Tom {finishing Fuji's sentence}: whippersnapper!...
Makoto: Wait Mr.Fujisawa. Giddiup go woah! Hey wait!
Jinnai: Keep it moving you slackers. With this anceint magic in my power I'll soon become God. An honor I've been deined long enough.
Tom: Say what you will, but that kid certainly doesn't think small.
Crow: Yeah, I bet when other kids were making lemonade stands, he was plotting hostile takeovers and refreshment monolopies.
Crow {singing}: Through the desert and over the gorge, to the Shrine of Water we go...
Fuji: Ah-ha!
Makoto: Sensei, hey can't we take a rest? I'm getting tired!
Fuji: How can you possibly be tired at a time like this? Look around, the view alone up here is so invigorating. It's drop dead gorgeous.
Joel: Don't say 'drop dead'!!
Tom: Don't say 'gore'!!
Alielle (thinks): He sure doesn't seem the type to have supernatural powers.
{earlier}
Dr.Schtal: Alielle, I fear these strangers hold supernatural powers. And I especially want you to keep a close eye on that young boy.
Tom: Playing match-maker? I hope not.
Alielle: You can always trust me Dr.Schtalubaugh. Rest assured our family always remains loyal to this house.
{now}
Tom {as Bugrom}: Well what wrong with 'attack them'?
Jinnai: Haven't you learned anything I taught you about being fiendish? Do you think you can best your enemies without a cruel and intelligent plan? {Bugrom noise}
Tom {as Bugrom}: It work before.
Jinnai: Like I said, we need a fiendish plan. I need some time to think. {pause} Oh yeah!
Joel: Oh man, that is so cliche!
Makoto: That's a Bugrom isn't it?
Fuji: Yep
Makoto: But why is it dressed up like a woman?
Tom: Jinnai found out he liked dressing up and was thrown out.
Alielle: Listen she's crying ohhh
Fuji: Hold it. It's an old trick I've seen 100 times.
All {Joel raises hand}: Us too.
Crow: Do you think the Mads experiemented on Jinnai too?
Joel: That would explain some things.
Fuji: They always lure all of the great film heroes to stray from the path to save a grieving woman. And then suddenly the dasterdly villian arrives to take advantage of them.
Joel: Que Jinnai!
Jinnai: So our history teacher is an old movie fan.
Makoto: Jinnai!
Jinnai: How about this for a cliff hanger? {laughs} that will teach all of you not to leave during the intermission. {Fuji lifts boulder} Impossible!
Fuji: Fujisawa Pitch!!!!
Tom {as sports announcer}: It's his patented fast ball, right down the center. Unless Jinnai takes a swing, he's out!
{boulder rolls down hill to cave}
All {sings Indiana Jones theme}
Joel: Start the plane! Start the plane!
Jinnai: Of course, that's where I was leading you. My brilliant idea.
{boulder traps them in cave}
Jinnai: You idiot, how dare you suggest to me where we should hide. Your new god isn't suppose to hide anywhere. It's your fault, stupid buffoon. {hits bugrom} Exo-bonehead. Don't you EVER DARE AGAIN suggest an idea to me without my approval.
Tom {as Bugrom}: Oh, so now it MY idea, moment ago it YOUR idea.
Joel: You need to work on your people skills.
Crow: Don't you mean 'underling skills'?
Crow {as Alielle}: But then I found out about the chasity part and well...
Miz: Being a high priestess only means being alone. If I had known this job was going to be so boring, I never would have taken it. It's so deserted and lonely up here. And now my last crummy girlfriend gets married too. {sigh} Grey hair....{screams}
Joel: Just dye it like you do the rest of your hair.
Fuji: Someone's in trouble.
Makoto: It came from inside the shrine.
Fuji: It's attacking her! {beats the stuffing out of assisstant}
Tom {continuing announcer gag}: He's getting pretty good distance with that monster, but it's not his Fujisawa Pitch.
Crow {playing along}: I'd agree with you there Tom. But you have to remember, those type of pitches really take it out of him. Plus monsters aren't aerodymanic.
Fuji: Are you all right now young lady?
Miz: I am now!
Fuji: You should fear no longer for I am here and I shall protect you in any way I can.
Miz: Dear sir, I'm honored. You're so incredible strong and brave. {Fuji nervous laugh} Do you have a name that I may call you by?
Fuji: I am Masamichi Fujisawa
Miz: Beautiful, and so is the strong man who saved me.
Joel: This is harassment and I don't have to take it.
Crow {as Miz}: We're married now right?
Fuji: Please miss, could you show your appreciation to me in some other way. You see I have one of my students in the room.
Miz: Students? are you saying a big he-man like you is a teacher as well?
Joel: The power of Greyskull!
Fuji: Yeah I teach history at Shininobi Professional High School
Crow: Oh, so there's an Amatuer High School.
Miz: Strong and a stable carreer. I think I landed the big one.
Alielle: Excuse me. But we're here to see the priestess of this shrine.
Miz: Huh? {cough} You have found her. I am the priestess Miz Mistall.
Alielle: I thought priestesses were younger than that.
Crow: And didn't have grey hair.
Miz: What did you say dear?
Alielle: Oh no no no no. You see I never met a priestess before so I never really expected someone with such statued dignity and grace.
All {sings}: Liar! Liar!
Miz: Oh my, such an honest girl
{commerical sign}
Miz: I understand your plight now. And so you've journyed to this shrine seeking my help.
Makoto: Yes, please, we are desperatly trying to find a way back to our world.
Fuji: And I got to get back to classes.
All: Drop the classes!
Miz: Indeed if I could, I would surely help you. But I'm afraid nothing in my teachings could show you the way.
Makoto: Well thanks anyway.
Fuji: Ohh. We'd better get to the next shrine.
Miz: Excuse me, where did you say you were going?
Fuji: Well I'm afraid if you can't help us good lady then we must move on.
Miz: Oh that's not a good idea at all.
Crow (as Miz): It will ruin our wedding.
Miz: That's right I just remembered there IS a way!
Makoto and Fuji: THEN TELL US!!
Miz: Oh I couldn't. You see unfortunately I'm forbidden by the anceint laws of all the great priestess never ever to reveal the secret arts to anyone. Especially to people I don't know.
Makoto: So then how are we suppose to gain your trust?
Fuji: Is there some kind of horrible test to pass?
Miz: No, you can just take me out on a date.
Crow: No horrible test? Sure.....
Miz: If the other priestess knew I dated you then they can hardly say I was giving away secrets to an untrusted stranger.
Makoto and Fuji: Sounds logical
Joel: Yeah, that makes alot of...HUH?
Miz: Lonely never more. At last the date I've always longed for. I'll be sitting there innocently sipping tea on the terrace. When suddenly prince Fujisawa the Strong and Handsome arrives with a boquet of pure white flowers. We'll stroll arm in arm. Then set adrift in a gondula. Sip honey necter with two straws. Oh the first dance. And when night falls and it's time to say our sad farewells. He'll take me in his arms look deep into my eyes. Pull me close and oh no no no, you mustn't I'm way to shy. Masamichi's so bold and on our first date!
Crow: Romanticing just a bit too much, Miz.
Joel: And you expect him to pay for all this?!
Tom: She's visualized it so well they should go straight to their second date.
Makoto: Looks like you made it to first base.
Fuji: Didn't even swing.
Tom: Hey, there were FOUR Bugrom were trapped in the cave
Joel: Well it's a clown cave.
Tom: Did they cut back on writers so much they were forced to recycle old lines?
Alielle: That's stupid. You have to be more romantic than that.
Fuji: WIll you give me a break. I've never been on a date before. Makoto, you're at that dating age. Well tell me what to say. come on help me out!
Makoto: Actually I never dated either.
Tom: Why am I not surprised?
Crow: Hey Joel, I bet you know how he feels.
Alielle: My heart never drempt before, til there was you.
Fuji: That's awful. It's too girly.
Crow: Well Miz IS a girl.
Alielle: well it's a start. just make it masculine
Fuji: OK I'll do it. there was once was a heart, it work up with a start, it dreamed it was a fart, and it did-
Joel {as Fuji speaks}: Got the feeling he's making this up as he goes along?
Tom and Crow mummur in agreement
Miz: I never imagined you were a poet also.
Fuji: Ah yes
Alielle: Oh yes, what a fool am I to speak of the fairest white lilly in the field. Oh Miz I am tortured and without rest. You are the flower my soul wishes to gather, but this heart of mine does not dare touch!
Crow: Hey! Who's on the date here?
Makoto: Are you sure you didn't eat that spoiled food in the travel rations?
Miz: You were saying?
Fuji: You're a flower, and when you can't sleep at night it really SUCKS. Even though there are lots of other flowers you're the only one I want to...pluck.
All {over last word}: SHUT YO MOUTH!
Joel: Why would anyone want to steal seaweed?
Miz: What an unusual occupation and odd upbringing.
Alielle: {underwater} No no no, don't talk like that.
Tom {faking being underwater}: Talk like this.
Fuji: What are you some kind of ninja?
Crow starts humming TMNT theme, but Joel stops him after four notes: We already did that, Crow.
Alielle: Talk about romantic things, not your crazy childhood.
Fuji: And what is not romantic about the sea?
All quack as Makoto and Allille swim up to the boat with decoys on their heads.
Alielle: You're not getting it at all are you? OK I'll try it again. Now this time listen carefully. Woah!
Tom: OK--Woah!
Fuji: Shark attack!
Joel: By Milton Bradly
Alielle: No just a cramp in my ankle!
Makoto: I'll save her.
Fuji: I'm sorry. I guess they mean well.
Miz: Actually I find both of them to be quite charming. Over there looks to be a quiet place.
Fuji: If I can out-row them.
Crow: Dad also taught me how to row quickly. You see he wasn't a very good thief.
Crow {as Miz}: Which is really weird since I'm a water priestess.
Joel: Kodak moments
{Date continues}
{Fuji drinks all of juice}
Alielle {about to throw rock at Fujisawa}: NO!
Tom: But I was thirsty!
Joel: Do it, do it.
Crow: Ahhh so she gets strong too.
{Miz chuckles}
{Miz and Fuji dance}
Crow: They're going the Macarana!
Tom: No, it's the forbiden dance.
Joel: Looks more like the painful dance.
Fuji: Hey, now that's a flower. Wait, I'll get you one.
Miz: How sweet of him.
Alielle: Tell me the truth, am I a hack at being a romantic advisor?
Makoto: Poetry needs work.
Joel: Remember, 'try' is half of 'poetry'
{Miz and Fuji watching sunset}
Miz: Oh have you ever seen anything like it?
Fuji: Honestly, yes.
Tom: That was a rhetorical question!
Fuji: It reminds me of my favorite sunset. But this sure is a close second best.
Miz: Is ther a better one? One that I haven't seen.
Fuji: I was on a long climb once. Difficult, but suddendly I got above the clouds that were hiding the summit. That's where the best setting sun is. Washing hues and colors on the slopes. Then touching upon each and every peak, reaching for the sky. Mt.Yahakatacki.
Crow: Joel, didn't that PBS painter guy do this?
Fuji: That's back on my world. I get summertime off you know.
Miz: You make one day seem like a season.
Crow: You're that dull.
Fuji: You're like the spring.
Joel: How? Does she make you sneeze too?
All: KISS HER! KISS HER!
Miz: Please forgive me.
Makoto: Sensei help! the whole shrine's been taken over!
Jinnai: {Laughs} This Shrine of Water is now in my power! I might give it back but only after I'm taught it's magic secrets.
Crow: If he thinks he's going to get away with this, then he's all wet.
Makoto: You're nuts and you've invaded holy ground.
Jinnai: From what my sources tell me, it's alot more like lover's lane. Give up foul templess, speak!
Fuji: Priestess Miz is as pure as the mountain snow.
Miz: Let's go back to the boat.
{Bugrom charge}
Fuji: Galactica Fujisawa Thunder!!!
Tom: Tonight on the WWF
Miz: Oh Sweetheart, you're protecting my honor.
Fuji: Don't do that, I'm trying to fight.
Miz: Stupid bug. Darling protect me.
Joel: Do you really think she needs protection?
Makoto: Jinnai, call off the attack. There isn't any anceint magic here.
Jinnai: Bugrom reconissence proves otherwise. Old witch, reveal your secrets.
Miz: You address me as WHAT?
Jinnai: Wha? I said 'witch' I don't care what you call yourself. Give me what I came for.
Crow {as Miz}: Okay!
{Miz lets Jinnai have it}
Tom: Does she have to wait half an hour before using her powers?
Jinnai: Not the water again!
Miz: Be doused by the flood a second time foul villain. And this time doust catch a cold. You icky creep!
Joel {nodding his head sadly}: She was doing so well until that last part.
Jinnai: Don't panic, the waters will subside once they reach my new alter. {they don't}
Crow: I'm sorry, not 'witch'. I meant 'bit--'{Joel covers Crow's mouth}
Joel: Hush now.
Jinnai: All right, I'll let you get away with it this time but beware, you'll see me again. I'm warning you, you here.....
Miz: Then don't forget your bathing suit.
Tom: Just not a Speedo!
Joel and Crow shiver at the thought.
Fuji: Oh where's Miz at? Is she all right?
Miz: Oh my Darling I'm here. Hold me I'm so scared.
Tom: She hides it so well.
Tom: Ever since Nickel Beer Night at the Fieldhouse.
Miz: It was a day I will never forget.
{Outside}
Makoto: Sensei, do ya think we'll get to see her again before we leave?
Fuji: I'm not sure.
Crow: You will, they're not going hire a person to do just one episode.
Alielle: You guys should hurry up and get hitched before you get too old.
Fuji: So the baby think she's smart does she? Then where's the next shrine?
Joel {as Fuji}: Is it near a bar?
Alielle: That's a good question.
Fuji: I thought so. Then you find someone that knows the way.
Alielle: Excuse me, by any chance do you know where I can find the Wind Shrine?
Nanami: Do you mean the Shrine of Wind? {yes}
Joel: No, the Shrine of Gale.
Nanami: Hey listen up, does anyone know where the Shrine of Wind is?
Alielle: I just had the weirdest flash of deja vu.
Tom: Oh are we having connections to the OVA now?
{cut scene}{a familiar shadow moves into the theater and sits next to Tom}
Alielle: I found out where it is. Back that way.
Crow: Pull my finger!
Fuji: Let's get moving.
Makoto: I just had the strangest feeling about Nunami. I hope she's OK.
Joel: I hate these 'just missed you' scenes.
Mihoshi: {giggle} You know he reminds me of someone. Ekkk! The spider again! {starts firing laser at Crow}.
Crow: Oh no! It's her again! RUNNNNNN!{all run out of theater}