Tom: Sliders sued for copyright.
Makoto {voiceover}: I've suddenly been transported to a mysterious world called El Hazard. What is going to happen to me in such an unpredictable place?
Joel: Reagan already did that.
{Bugrom applaud}
Jinnai: First we move to THIS point (circles spot on map)
Crow: There will be some Japanese characters there.
Tom: He'd better be careful. Those bugs might decide they had enough and eat him.
{bugrom begin digging}
Tom (as old lady): Oh those claws were made for digging.
Joel: I can dig it.
Jinnai: You're in for a surprise Makoto.
{title}
Crow: Oh great, the obligatory child episode where we learn just how much effort goes into taking care of children. I hate these.
Makoto: Nooo, please stop I can't take anymore. I'm tired, oh my back. Can't we play another game?
Crow: Kick the Baby?
Brat: Giddy up, this is fun Uncle Makoto. Over there then come back here.
Joel: So why bother going at all?
Crow hums generic cowboy music.
Millie: Faster Faster! Go Faster! Horsey come on! Faster! {hits Fuji with crop}
Fuji: Oww! Hey. Why you little--
Millie: You're a bully, I'm just a kid!
Tom: He's just going to show you how to use a crop correctly.
Fuji: Yeah is that so? Well you're one little kid that needs a spanking for acting like a brat and showing disrespect to others and don't ever hit someone with a whip! That thing is painful.
Millie: It hurt me more than you you old meany.
Fuji: What?
Tom (F): It stung my hands!
Crow: Old?
Makoto: Hey take it easy. Sensei, you have to be more patient with the children.
Fuji: I am patient!
Rune: Whatever seems to be the problem Mr.Fujisawa?
Millie: Princess Rune, Uncle doesn't play nice. He threw me on the floor and hurt me. Wahhh
Rune: Oh Millie no!
{Millie pinches friend's}
Friend: Ouch, yeah I saw him do it. He got real made and then she was on the floor.
Crow: Then he ripped her head off and....oh
Fuji: Why are you lying about this?
Rune: Mr.Fujisawa. You mustn't use violence around children. Be kind. They need especially gentle handling in an orphanage.
Crow (F): They're marked Fragile.
Fuji: But Princess! It's not true. I didn't--
{Millie stomps on Fuji's foot} I already forgive you Uncle.
Fuji: The new kinder gentler Fujisawa.
Joel: Now to raise taxes and start a war.
Tom: Say what you want, Millie knows how to manipulate people.
Makoto: Uhhh something stinks in here.
Rune: Oh my the baby's diaper must be full. Yes my darling, you need a changing and a nice warm bottle of milk.
Tom: Why do I get stuck changing all the diapers?
Fuji: I've had it. I'm ready to give up and go back home.
Makoto: You are? But what about the boast you made to the princess she's counting on you to follow through on it?
{Flashback}
Fuji: I'm just the guy for the job. Look no further. Taking care of kids shouldn't be any problem. Back on Earth I was a teacher after all.
Joel (drunk): They were all high school students, but it shouldn't make a difference.
Rune: Thank you Mr.Fujisawa. This is wonderful. The children are orphans. You'll provide a fatherly influence they don't have. They're in need of parental love. Many of them have never known that. You can offer the nearest thing to it.
Fuji: I'll be a father or a mother or whatever. I'm at your disposal for as long as you wish Highness.
{End Flashback}
I didn't know what I was saying.
Tom: I was drunk
{Fuji gets shot in the face}{panic}
Joel: Direct hit!
Crow: Kid must have a bladder the size of a beach ball.
Rune: Hang on little one. Milk is on the way. Baby's hungry.
Makoto: No don't run Princess! There's wee wee all over the floor!
Crow: {chuckle} Wee wee? He said 'wee wee'? Grow up!
Rune: What? Woooo {slips}
Joel: Did they really need to include this scene?
{scenes with children}
Joel: Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!
Makoto: Wow, what an unusual flower.
Rune: It's called a callan. {oh} It's so pretty.
Crow (like Wanna-be Critic from A Golden Opportunity): And it tastes good!
Makoto: I'll say. Mind if I take one.
Rune: Here you are.
Makoto: Uh thanks.
Rune: Makoto, thank you for your help today. It means a lot to me having you there.
Crow (F): Londs threatened to quit if he had to do this again.
Makoto: Uh yeah?
Rune: I feel a deep love... {Makoto: uhh I do to} My heart's filled with affection for the children.
Makoto: Oh, so it's the kids you care for. {Rune: Um?} {Crow: Aww nuts!} No, what I mean is that I understand why you love those children. Heck who wouldn't? {All: Us!} You know you're a great princess. You have a government to run and yet you still find time to give to others.
Rune: Oh I don't deserve praise. It's more enjoyment for me than work.
{Makoto gets shot with toy arrow}
Millie: Yeah my arrow's right on target. Now Makoto you must die for your crimes.
Makoto: Someone will die.
Rune: Millie, don't cause any mischief.
Makoto: But Princess I was protecting you from the evil clutches of wicked Makoto. He was going to attack you and take over the kingdom.
Joel: The gig is up.
Makoto: I was not!
Millie: Archers!
Makoto: No no no no no don't!
Millie: Fire! {Makoto is covered in toy arrows}
Tom: Lots of arrows for a dozen kids.
Crow: Hey where's Ura?
Tom: She's still in hiding after one of the little monsters pulled her tail.
Millie: Our mission is done! To the fort. Ha!
Joel imitates bugle call.
Joel {at arrow covered Makoto}: Uh-oh I think they used super-glue on their arrows.
Rune: Are you all right.
Makoto: Uh sure.
Rune: How sweet. I didn't know you were so playful. The children seem to love you so much.
Tom: Translation, you let them walk all over you.
Makoto: Yeah, that's great {fake laugh}
Crow: I wish Jinnai was here.
Crow: And there he is.
Jinnai: This is not a vacation! We'll never conquer the world if you sit around all day on your rears! {kicks Margaret} No more breaks just dig dig dig. {gets hit on head} Which one of you cockroaches just bashed me?
Joel: Do you really think they're going to answer?
Makoto: Uh thank you Princess, that crazy Millie must have dug these pits to catch intruders.
Tom: Or at least trip them.
Jinnai: Uh, what did I just tell you fools. Stop acting like statues and start digging.
{Jinnai gets covered in dirt}
Joel: Just like them to overdo it.
Makoto: Um? that's funny I could have sworn I heard Jinnai's voice just now. I imagined it.
Jinnai: At this rate we'll never get there. Work harder! Dig! Dig! Dig!
Tom: But never one as ridiculous as this.
Alliele: That's pretty neat. Then are you inventing something too Master Makoto?
Makoto: Yeah sort of.
Alliele: Like what?
Makoto: Lookit.
Alliele: Ahh {flower glows} Ahh pretty
Crow: Well she's easily impressed.
Tom: Suddenly the flower catches fire!
Makoto: You like it?
Alliele: It's wonderful. You're so clever.
Makoto: It's just a gadget, nothing special. {Joel: Like me.} It's our last day tomorrow. I'll show it to the kids then. I'm hitting the sack. Good night Alliele.
Alliele: Good night Master Makoto.
{music with Millie under the window}
Tom hums Mission Impossible theme.
Joel: I bet she thinks it's a shower nozzle.
{Millie steals electric flower and runs away}
{commercial sign}
Joel: I thought those metal flowers would act like earmuffs.
Alliele: {whispers} Hey time to get up big boy. Makoto... {shouts} Oh will you wake up for crying out loud!
Makoto: I'm up!
Rune: I'm sorry to wake you up so early, but it looks like Millie has run away. She's nowhere to be found!
Makoto: She ran off?
Tom: Good!
Crow: So what's the important news?
Fuji: Well she's not behind the house.
Crow: Cause I buried her in the front. heh heh heh
Londs: My men and I have searched all of the building and combed the grounds but we found no trace.
Alliele: I bet she escaped.
Rune: From what?
Alliele: From Makoto and Mr.Fujisawa. They was mean to her.
Makoto: No we weren't. We didn't do anything.
Fuji: Yeah
Alliele: Are you sure?
Fuji: Well I did scold her a little once. {nervous laugh}
Joel: Well, that would do it.
Tom {mock anger}: How dare you scold a child in El Hazard! Have you no decency?
Makoto: I'm going to find her for you.
Rune: Makoto, wait. I'll go with you.
Londs: No Princess remain here. Please you must always consider your safety
Crow: Besides, she's not worth it.
Tom: I looked under every rock...
Rune: I have an idea where she might be.
Makoto: What are you doing here?
Rune: Please don't tell Londs
Crow (F): ...the Babysitter's Dead.
Makoto: But won't you get into trouble?
Rune: Um-uh
Crow (F): If he gives me any trouble, he's fired.
Joel: And Makoto just happened to stumble on it.
Makoto: Why? What makes you think she'd do that?
Rune: I would return to a place I had fond memories of.
Crow: Yeah sherlock.
{they find Millie}
Makoto (whispers): My flower.
Tom: I'll just turn the flower on and give her a little shock.
Rune: Don't be angry. It probably reminds her of her family. {Joel: How?} All the children at the orphanages have lost their parents. {Tom: Well I think that's the definition of an orphan.} That's a harsh reality for a child to deal with.
{Makoto finds picture}
Joel: Nice resemblance.
Tom: Better than Fatora.
Crow: Think he might originally be from El Hazard?
Joel: You never know.
Millie: Is that you big brother? It is you! You finally came back. I waited and waited for you. I missed you so much. Why were you gone so long?
Crow: We got tired of you, Kid.
Makoto: We've all been worried about you Millie.
Rune: We'll take you home. Come on.
Millie: Makoto!
Makoto: It's OK.
Millie: No I'm not ever going back.
Makoto: Millie!
{Millie runs away again}
Makoto: Millie wait up {Makoto gets shot}
Joel: She's pretty good.
Rune: Millie stop. Don't go into the woods. It can be dangerous in there!
Nyahhhh!
Tom: How rude!
{Makoto and Rune call for her.}
Crow: (whistles) Here Millie Millie Millie. I got a nice doggie treat for you.
Joel: First Makoto now her. You just don't stop do you?
Crow: Well you have to admit Millie does sound like a name for a dog right?
Makoto: Please come out. You're not in trouble. We won't scold you. I promise.
Crow: I'll let Sensei do that. {chuckle}
{Makoto hears rustling. Signals for quiet.}
Joel (whispers): Look at my nose. Makoto: I've found you. {dives into skunk-like creature}
Crow: Hey, it's that thing from Nausiccia.
Oh!
Millie laughs
{creature}
Joel: Hey is that the monster from last episode?
Tom: Either that or a friend.
Crow: When Monsters Strike Back.
Makoto: My eyes are still watering.
Rune: The woods are no place to be at night. I'm going to go back for Londs and the others. Stay here and watch for Millie. And promise you won't get mad at her when she shows up.
Makoto: Yes, don't worry... Be careful!
Joel: I promise you won't get mad.
Makoto: Hey Millie, we're not leaving here without you. {Tom: We? What do you mean we?} You can't live out in the wild. There's beasts out there and a ghost that haunts the forest.
Millie: I'm not afraid of a beast or a dumb old ghost.
Tom: I'm a Ghostbuster!
Makoto: Millie where are you?
Millie: I'm not telling! Besides what do you care?
Makoto: I care all of us are very worried.
{Millie steps out of the forest}
Millie: You're telling a fib. Nobody cares about me!
Crow: She catches on quickly.
Makoto: Then why am I here?
Millie: You don't know what's in my heart! No one can understand. So quit pretending like you do.
Tom: He's a stranger in a strange land, everyone back home thinks he's dead and he'll probably never see his family again. I'd think comes close.
Makoto: You can stop behaving like a spoiled child right now. Did you appreciate the Princess's kindness? No you didn't. Instead you were selfish and it wasn't nice for you to lie.
Millie: I'm not bad.
Crow (F): I'm just drawn--
Tom: NO!
Makoto: The way you've been acting won't solve anything Millie and it won't bring your mother, father, or brother back. We're here to help you if you'll let us. Besides, you have a whole new family of brothers and sisters now. All the boys and girls at the orphanage, everyone there is part of your family, even the grown-up, all one big happy home. Why don't you let me take you back there and--
Millie: Shut up!! {runs away}
Makoto: Ahh I think I really put my foot in it this time.
Joel: All the way up to the knee.
Millie: They're not my family. I hate Makoto.
Tom: I'll use them to decorate your grave.
Rune: Makoto did you find Millie?
Makoto: Yes, but I only managed to upset her even more.
Tom: Oh good one Makoto.
Fuji: So let me get this straight, the kid is still gone and you're picking flowers?
Makoto: That's right but I've got a stradgy. and if it's going to work I'm going to need your help, Sensei.
Fugi: Huh?
Joel: You're the bait.
Tom: I didn't know the flowers could make that kind of music.
Makoto: OK ready whenever you are! Fuji: [sigh] Why do I always get stuck with these jobs
Crow: Because you're bad with kids?
{starts pedaling}{flowers light up}
Makoto: It works! Each callan is illuminated.
Alliele: Strike up the music
{children start playing song}
Tom (sings): Celebration time come on!
Crow: Pretty good for a bunch of 8 year olds.
{people start calling for Millie}
Joel (when the children join in): We're musically tone deaf.
{Millie remembers what Makoto said about the other orphans}
Crow: I don't think I'd call Rune one of the grown-up yet.
Millie: They really are my family.
{Millie comes out}
Rune: Ahhh Millie!
Millie: I want to come home now. Sorry Princess I never meant to cause everybody trouble. I'll never do it again!
Crow: Throw her in the dungeon, that'll teach her.
Rune: Don't cry Sweetheart everything's all right now. We always forgive the ones we love.
Tom: You're an exception of course.
Fuji: [huff] [huff] [huff] {Crow: Torro!} Can I quit now?! [huff] [huff]
Joel: I'm pedaling like mad and not going anywhere!
Makoto: A little more please Sensei. I've got a grand finale!
{Fuji pedals harder}
{beast charges}
Bots cheer for beast
Joel: Now stop it. You two have been very dark this episode. What's wrong with you?
Tom: Well Crow was right, this kind of episode is a royal pain.
Crow: Yeah, it hurt us so we're hurting back.
Makoto: Hey look out!
{beast vanishes}
Makoto: Woah, that was close. I don't know what that thing was but it's gone.
Crow: Don't bother looking for it, don't you know.
Jinnai: Huh? That's Makoto's voice. It's sounds as though we're right underneath him. Halleluiah! {Crow: Praise the Lord, pass the ammunition} We're at the palace! We're there at last. Well done my lackey. Huh? You don't have facial hair. {sees beast, it smiles}
Joel: Your lackies were delicious.
Tom: Now who's being dark?
Jinnai: Woah!!
Crow: What? No!
Makoto: Sure will, whenever I can.
Fuji: I'll pass on going to the orphanage again.
Millie: That's fine with me.
{Fuji bows head.}
Joel: I am shamed.
{laugh}
Rune: I'm not surprised that Millie has grown very fond of you.
{cut to Makoto}
Tom (F): You make a great target.
All do a dorky laugh ala Day the Earth Froze.
Crow {at decorated tree}: Suddenly the outlet overloads and the tree bursts into flames.